melancoffee

mixed emotions… excited? nervous?

After three attempts of applying for the Clinical Nutritionist post at The Medical City, here it is! by God’s grace, in his perfect time. I’m IN!

The first attempt i made, they had already shortlisted someone. The second time, i got no response. The third time, I was actually not expecting something (good) would happen either. The job ad has been posted for a month already, and usually, online job ads that’ve been posted for a month are no longer available. I just tried, after all, i’m quite contented working as an online teacher… But lo and behold! TMC called for an exam, then, prelim interview, then final interview. whew! That final interview! I wasn’t that hopeful that i’m gonna make it; there were 3 of us, all UPLB graduates (batchmates pa nga eh!). That made me so nervous during the interview, that i really didnt have the confidence i’d make it.

My prayer really lacked the confidence (and faith), “God, if it’s really mine, you’ll let me in. Eh pangit ung interview ko (sobra! kung nakita nyo lang reaction nung interviewer).” But during one of my devotions, God just reminded me that i’ve prayed for it (i prayed for the work that is clinical, ayoko kasi sa food service); as if He was telling me, “hey, hiningi mo yan, di ba? it’s yours, don’t listen to the devil’s deceptions; don’t let him take it away from you.” Afterwards, a friend texted me, “kung sa’yo yan, wala silang magagawa.”

hmmm… i’ve kept it in my heart. trust God. He told me it’s mine.

and I’M IN! REALLY? PA’NO NANGYARI?

July 1 is my first day of work at TMC and one of my goals: i’ll befriend our Department Head, i know kinausap sya ni God bakit ako nakapasa sa interview. I dreamed about that scene, God talking to her; so, might be silly but i’m gonna find out!

The cheerful little girl with bouncy golden curls was almost five.  Waiting with her mother at the checkout stand, she saw them, a circle of glistening white pearls in a pink foil box.
 
“Oh mommy please, Mommy. Can I have them? Please, Mommy, please?”
 
Quickly the mother checked the back of the little foil box and then looked back into the pleading blue eyes of her little girl’s upturned face.
 
“A dollar ninety-five.  That’s almost $2.00. If you really want them, I’ll think of some extra chores for you and in no time you can save enough money to buy them for yourself.  Your birthday’s only a week away and you might get another crisp dollar bill from Grandma.”
 
As soon as Jenny got home, she emptied her penny bank and counted out 17 pennies. After dinner, she did more than her share of chores and she went to the neighbor and asked Mrs. McJames if she could pick dandelions for ten cents. On her birthday, Grandma did give her another new dollar bill and at last, she had enough money to buy the necklace.
 
Jenny loved her pearls. They made her feel dressed up and grown up. She wore them everywhere, Sunday school, kindergarten, even to bed. The only time she took them off was when she went swimming or had a bubble bath.  Mother said that if they got wet, they might turn her neck green.
 
Jenny had a very loving daddy and every night when she was ready for bed, he would stop whatever he was doing and come upstairs to read her a story. One night as he finished the story, he asked Jenny,
 
“Do you love me?”
 
“Oh yes, daddy. You know that I love you.”
 
“Then give me your pearls.”
 
“Oh, daddy, not my pearls. But you can have Princess, the white horse from my collection, the one with the pink tail. Remember, daddy? The one you gave me. She’s my very favorite.”
 
“That’s okay, Honey, daddy loves you. Good night.” And, he brushed her cheek with a kiss.
 
About a week later, after the story time, Jenny’s daddy asked again, “Do you love me?”
 
“Daddy, you know I love you.”
 
“Then give me your pearls.”
 
“Oh Daddy, not my pearls.  But you can have my baby doll. The brand new one I got for my birthday. She is beautiful and you can have the yellow blanket that matches her sleeper.”
 
“That’s okay. Sleep well. God bless you, little one. Daddy loves you.”  And as always, he brushed her cheek with a gentle kiss.
 
A few nights later when her daddy came in, Jenny was sitting on her bed with her legs crossed. As he came close, he noticed her chin was trembling and one silent tear rolled down her cheek.
 
“What is it, Jenny? What’s the matter?”
 
Jenny didn’t say anything but lifted her little hand up to her daddy. And when she opened it, there was her little pearl necklace. With a little quiver, she finally said,
 
“Here, daddy, this is for you.”  
 
With tears gathering in his own eyes, Jenny’s daddy reached out with one hand to take the dime store necklace, and with the other hand he reached into his pocket, pulled out a blue velvet case with a strand of genuine pearls, and gave them to Jenny. He had them all the time. He was just waiting for her to give up the dime-store stuff so he could give her the genuine treasure. 
 

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So it is, with our Heavenly Father. He is waiting for us to give up the cheap things in our lives so that he can give us beautiful treasures. Isn’t God good? Are you holding onto things that God wants you to let go of?
 
Are you holding on to harmful or unnecessary partners, relationships, habits and activities that you have come so attached to that it seems impossible to let go? Sometimes it is so hard to see what is in the other hand but do believe this one thing. God will never take away something without giving you something better in its place.

To “let go” means not to worry about the future,

but look forward to what might happen

To “let go” does not mean to stop caring,

it means I can’t do it for someone else.

To “let go” is not to cut myself off,

it’s the realization I can’t control another.

To “let go” is not to enable,

but to allow learning from natural consequences.

To “let go” is to admit powerlessness,

which means the outcome is not in my hands.

To “let go” is not to try to change or blame another,

it’s to make the most of myself.

To “let go” is not to judge,

but to allow another to be a human being.

To “let go” is not to be in the middle arranging the outcomes,

but to allow others to affect their  own destinies.

To “let go” is not to be protective,

it’s to permit another to face reality.

To “let go” is not to deny,

but to accept.

To “let go” is not to intrude, worry or argue,

but instead to search out my own shortcomings,

and correct them.

To “let go” is not to regret the past,

but to grow and live for the future.

To “let go” is to fear less,

and love more.

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Thanks BEVS for your Friendster Bulletin post.

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[May 2008] It’ my 10th year in the ministry and my 13th year as a Christian…

Everytime I lead the Praise and Worship at church, I would really try to picture out (not write.. hehe..) an “outline” as if I am Preacher preparing the sermon. All the more that I was so eager to do this when a Pastor prophesied that I had a gift of prophecy. 

Hmm… I was skeptic about prophecies, now I have it? Let’s put it this way. I am not really skeptic. I think I am just afraid of that gift; I ahve this mentality that the “prophet” knows everything about me. ^,^ Thanks to my book about Spiritual Gifts (that I am currently studying), I now somehow understand why there is a gft of prophecy.

Anyway… Recently, it has been my prayer that God would just use me as an instrument of encouragement and that I would lead His people to the heart of that “singing activity” - worship and adoration of the Triune God.

Unfortunately for the past month, it was kind of difficult for me to choose what songs to include in my line up. Usually, I prepare my songs a week before or sometimes, I have ready sets of line-ups. But this time, I was “so troubled” that I couldn’t think of nice songs to include.

It is at this point that I know God is dealing with me. I remember our Church Leader saying, “Before God would use you to speak to other people, He would speak to you first.” And this is what I’ve been experiencing recently. It was usually in my weakest points that God would just bring out those hymns and songs - so common, perhaps, oldies, they come from nowhere, they are not actually in the “mainstream” - that would really touch my heart, and would later be His message to the people during praise and worship tme. Many times, I am so amazed that the people would cry out to God, as if I prepared the songs personally for them. Well, that’s what we call “flowing in the Spirit.” It is the work of the Holy Spirit NOT MINE.

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Lord, You are good and Your mercy endureth forever…

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Oh my soul, do you not know

Have you not heard?

It’s been told from the beginning

The Lord your God is on your side

Oh my soul, don’t be afraid, hope in the Lord

By His righteousness and power

He will strengthen, He will guide

And I will soar on wings as eagles

Held by the hand of God

I will run and not grow tired

When on His name I call

For the Lord is never weary

His ways are beyond my thoughts

I will trust in Him with all my heart

I will rest upon His promise, patiently I wait…

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Oh Lord You’ve searched me, You know my way

Even when I fail You, I know You love me

Your holy presence Surrounding me

In every season, I know You love me

I know You love me

At the cross I bow my knee

Where Your blood was shed for me

There’s no greater love than this

You have overcome the grave

your Glory fills the highest place

What can separate me now

And when the earth fades
Falls from my eyes
And You stand before me

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At Your feet I bow, there is none like You

All that I have found, All I want is You

For all the wonders You do, all that You are

What I can bring to You, I offer my heart

Wonderful, Magnificent God

I’m humbled by the life You gave

Beautiful Redeemer You are

Worthy of my highest praise

What can we give to You o God
For everything You have given to us

We offer our lives to You o God

For everything You have given to us

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These kids are having a hard time using the words horror and scared/scary.

~ “I don’t like horror movies because I’m horror.”

~ “I don’t like horror movies because I’m scary.”

~ “I don’t like doctors because they are horror.”

I was so stressed the other day… I was on a senti mode… and so I opened my colorful shoebox aka baul… It never fails to inspire me and lift my spirit… WHY??? Because it reminds me how loved I am by the people who have been part of me… well… even decades ago pa yan! (di ba ate roene? wink!) It really encourages me when I am reminded how I’ve influenced or had an impact on these people… and in the same way, how these people have touched my llife…

…OPEN LETTERS…

People always tell im so mataray & snobbish…

helllloooooooo?!?!?!?! Excuse me?!?!?!?!?!

ate… mabait ka pala… kala ko supladita ka… (myra, lti’03)

ate… u were someone I thought I would never get along with. kala ko masungit ka. Pero cool din pala… (gelo, kick-off’04)

nakakatakot…pero pwede palang biruin. (mike f, my 20^th bday)

I never thought na magiging close tayo… (maryel, exchange gift ng prayer min, ’03… pero ‘04 na binigay sken… maryel?!)

Di ba? They realized they’re wrong… bwahahahahaha!!!!

There are notes that made me smile because they remind me that im too slow to anger… (to finish my food pala!) pero naaappreciate naman ata nila na nutritionist ako no!

Si ate, lagi kong kasabay kumain, ambagal kumain, tapos na lahat, sya hindi pa. pano ba naman, ambagal na nga kumain, ang daldal pa. (DG!!!!!!!!)

Ate jeck antakaw mo pala? (maryel?!?!?!?!?!?!?! lti ‘03)

Pataba ka! Enjoy life… eat pork… (swe, kick-off’04)

Sana lahat ng nutritionist kagaya nya… (julian, kick-off’04)

Some notes were appreciation of who I am…

or nambobola lang? anyway, touched naman ako…

Aliw maglecture… (banana, lti’04)

Thanks for imparting… blah… blah… blah… (mark f, lti’04)

à e tinulugan naman ako sa lecture… pasaway!

Salamat po sa encouragements & lessons esp. sa singing… (buboy, lti’04) à wow, vocal coach!

Salamat sa kakulitan, kahit pa’no napasaya mo admin… (ate dessa, lti’01)

à see… nakakatulong kakulitan ko!

Go snoopy! Gusto kong makita ang a.Jeck na sanguine… (jaren, lti’04)

à lumalabas na sanguinity ko jarjar

Thanks for being a housemate… (nemski, lti’01) à ano?! nem?!

Some notes made me smile simply because they can make me smile! (ano raw?! Pangit kasi pag nakakatawa ung term di ba? These notes are nakakatuwa)

Dear ate jeck, God bless u always… (holden, kick-off’04)
à holden, anlaki po ng papel mo… 1/8 lang yata ng space ginamit mo, anliit pa ng sulat…

birthday note from mayang in a stationery na F4 (yeah!)

another birthday note from mike f. in a more cutie stationery… strawberry! (antaray!)

here’s a short poem about the “beautiful singing voice of a nightingale…”
from “hulaan mo kung sino ako!” à stalker?! moi kilala ko sulat mo!

Thank you… blah blah blah… “from me” à stalker ulit?! migs? hehe

Aliw din itong si moi at nem… nde alam spelling ng pangalan ko…

Jakie

Jackie

JekJek

Jacquelene

Eto totoong spelling ng pangalan ko… Jacky, Jeck, Jacqueline

Pero I’m super touched with this one…

I thank God naging anak kita… ate Diane

<ahhhh, sweet>

At sinong hindi maeEncourage dito…

You cannot keep a committed person from success.

ce stumbling blocks and he takes them for stepping stones…

…every time a difficulty is thrust in his way

If he can’t go over it, he goes through it.

Marus gave this (actually long) quotation on my 20^th bday

Life’s twists and turns are part of God’s plan…

ate Roene gave this to me just to appreciate me as a woman of God

It’s not in trying but in trusting.

It’s not in running but in resting.

It’s not in wondering but in praying

that we find strength from the Lord.

ate Wiz gave this to me when I was so worried about my debut

IT’S ALMOST 2 IN THE MORNING…

And my (emotional) stress has gone!

SALAMAT NA LANG HINDI KO NAITAPON TONG BA-UL…

hmmm… the year’s not yet actually over but it’s almost like it… WELCOME 2007!!!! hehehe…

anyway… for today’s blog…

i’ve been teaching nutrition & dietetics for almost 2 months now… im enjoying it, and i thank God for that. my class for master’s had already started and… help me God… i only enrolled 1 subject but…  hello???? molecular nutrition???? todo powers!!! to the nth level… whew!!! but it’s somehow exciting… and i enjoy the new information that subject is giving me (minus the chemical reactions! »> hehehe…)

it’s almost half december… almost end of the year… my career started when the year’s almost nearing its end… but thank God that He’s cleared His plan for me just before the new year starts…

bless God!

   [this is the way to smile!!!]

yeah! Milenyo had brought families & friends together… well, maybe not true for those who lost their loved ones…

the strength of Milenyo swept my ate Jinky’s house in Bay… it destroyed their lanzones trees, and killed 4 cows… wow! whatta scene…. our auntie Josie (ate Jinky’s ‘mama’ and the Pabalan kids’ ”Mama” too), was staying there… with her cute li’l grandchild, LJ. we had to bring them to our house because of the situation. it was a time for us to ‘bond.’

Leviña Joy is not only my niece, she’s my godchild… better yet, i am her ‘second mom’ (well, i prefer that rather than christening sponsor or godmother). LJ’s only 2 yrs. old, and she really acted as if she owns everything she sees… it’s but normal that a li’l child is selfish… but we were so happy that we were able to teach her new “concepts in life” —- the word “hiram.”

young as she may, she was able to grasp the idea that not all things that she uses are GIVEN, that some are BORROWED (or LENT —- whichever best describes). we would hear LJ say… “ipit (pony), LJ…  baby (barbie doll), hiram…” wow!!!

later on… we noticed that she would insist on taking the things that she would say “hiram” but ‘that’ thing is not to be used for playing…

CASE: my sis Ehm’s figurine doll… she insisted it’s “hiram” but that figurine can easily be broken… and so i told her “hindi pwede”… and she cried out loud… for 10 yrs i guess…

hmmm… new lesson perhaps… yeah! new lesson! and so we taught her that if she wants to borrow something, she should ask “pwede?” COOL… we’re teaching this li’l kid some simple and basic lesson in life yet so powerful to build her character…

sadly, we’re only 2 days with that lesson, and they had to go to Biñan… why sadly? i don’t want to be judgemental… but i’ve seen most of the people there (our other cousins and relatives) are not really serious about child lessons… instead, they would give everything LJ wants just so she wouldn’t cry again, thus the name “cry baby.”

we were about to go back home (from Biñan) and we told LJ that we’re going home. she tried to call mama so that they wouldn’t be left behind… she still insisted but they won’t really come with us… because they’re already ‘home.’

we were sad… my dad… my mom… we were silent as we travelled back home… we were thinking that if they would let LJ stay with us (as they did with her mom almost 10 yrs ago), they should do it earlier… not when she’s as old as when her mom came to us, when she no longer listens to what people around her had to say…

(now, LJ’s mom is an addict… she abandoned her to mama… her older & younger brother with their pop… addict too… a broken family… not quite a good scene, right?)

what can I do? yeah, i’m LJ’s second mom… but do i have authority? i know i have responsibility…

“Not because a person does good to you… Means he loves you…

Not because he’s there to give you favor

Means he loves you…

Maybe he’s just kind…

But it doesn’t mean he loves you…

No matter how you love him…”

 

[Masakit…] How you wish he does all those good things because he loves you back…

 

One day, as I was reading Genesis, I came across chapter 6, when God was saddened by the wickedness of the people…

 

verse 6 says “He was grieved that He made man on earth… His heart was filled with pain.”

 

wow!!! What a strong statement… God was grieved…

 

It made me realize if I’m one of those grieving His heart… Am I making my Creator at least smile?

 

I felt so sad as I was meditating how God loves me but I’m not really loving Him back… what a shame! I could be so busy doing so many things for Him, (yeah! maybe not like those people in Noah’s time, I’m not wickedly evil whatsoever…) but more than the things that I do for God, He wants my heart…

 

I felt the pain… the same pain that a lover would have when she’s just done good things but not really loved… then I cried to God…

 

Sigh! What Dr. Gary Chapman said in his book (Five Love Languages of God) is true… God would deal with you with your primary love language… He’ll let you feel it…

 

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“Not because a person does good to you means he loves you…”

i’ve been having sleep problems for the past weeks (or should i say months)… the problem is that i’m always having palpitations… and sometimes, it would even cause me to wake up at the middle of the night… 

i’ve been experiencing these palpitations since my practicum days (2 years ago), especially when i’m really stressed mentally & physically (and emotionally!)

it’s kind of disturbing now ‘cause i’m having problems with sleeping… yeah,  i know that means i’m stressed… too stressed thinking of so many things…

at first i thought it was a thyroid problem… maybe hyperthyroidism… because im not gaining weight even my calorie intake is for 50-kg woman… but how can it be when im not having fine tremors and im not ‘profusely’ sweating and im not having diarrhea…

but still, i went to an endocrinologist for my thyroid check, telling her what my problem is… the doctor checked my neck (all angles), ha my arms raised forward (for what?! »> looking for tremors i guess) and then she said, i had no problem with goiter whatsoever… she can’t find any symptom… but when she put the stethoscope onto my chest, listening to my heart… gosh!!! i was wondering why she’s listening to my heart for almost 2 minutes!!!

and so she told me the ‘possible’ problem… she’s suspecting that i have a heart problem… no! heart valve problem… Mitral Valve Prolapse (MVP)… acording to her, “it’s evident in the clicking sound of your heart… the valve doesn’t fully close… it’s congenital… and it manifested only now because of stress…” (stress! the magic word)

hmmm…. how do i react with this???

my dad had a heart problem before and his family medical history would also say the same thing… but according to the doctor… it’s not hereditary… the doctor didn’t tell me much… she wanted me to have a 2-dimensional echocardiography with Doppler’s test (whew!)… and then that’s it… “end of consultation”

when i went home, i consulted my practicum friend, Merck Manual of Family Medicine… according to the book, 5-10% of the population has MVP, usually young women… hmmm… it also does not cause serious heart problems (yipeee!!!)… but… when there’s a complication, the Mitral Regurgitation (MR), it can lead to Congestive Heart Failure (CHF)… whaaaaaaaaaaaaaat??????????!!!!!!!!!

oh well, of course i don’t have to worry… I have a Jehovah Rappah… I know im going through this so that i would learn… Learn to relax and not worry… whew!!! and learn to take care of my health, not abuse it…

the 2D-echo… maybe i’ll go back to the hospital next week (when i’m no longer busy… hehehe). they’ll check how blood flows in my heart… and so, i appeal that my ‘friends’ would pray that there’ll be no backflow of the blood… that there’ll be no regurgitaion …

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